I love going to the amusement park! I love the various games and activities there. I love the Bumper Cars, Go Carts, even the Merry Go Round! The one I fear the most is the roller coaster!
Why do I fear it, you ask?
Because I do not like how you sit in it, and even before that, how it looks. It looks scary! It is so high up in the air, and when I see others on the ride seemingly having fun and are excited, are they really? I don’t like when you are locked in there, so you cannot go anywhere, then the slow, slow, slow, slow progression up. The clicking of the tracks, how high you are going, how far your are from returning to ground level, and actually getting to the peak of the climb. Then suddenly, silence as you slowly go over the peak and then, ZOOM! You are going 100mph as people are yelling and you rocking back and forth from the powerful force of the speed in the cart!
Wow, I’m visualizing and feeling the rush right now just by typing this line and I am not in the roller coaster!
Should Relationships be like a Roller Coaster?
Why are relationships like a roller coaster? Too many of us describe our dating relationships, and marriages, like a roller coaster! Do you want off this ride, or is it too good and too familiar that makes you deal with it over, and over, and over?
I want to help you identify the emotional roller coasters in your life. I was interviewed on JGlobal Blog Talk Radio Show last year on this very topic. Since I am a Marriage and Relationship Expert, I want to help those suffering from emotional roller coaster rides.
Consider these 3 Rs before your next ride:
Reasons for continuing the ride.
Redlight signals for when it is not good to stay on.
Resolutions for making conscious, not emotional, decisions of remaining or getting off the rollercoaster.
When I was on my own personal emotional roller coaster, I thought:
Why am I on here?
How about you?
What are your reasons for being on such a ride that includes drainage and turmoil? Is it because the other feelings seemingly outweigh these two negatives? Well, those two negatives were more than enough for me to get off the ride, but it may not be enough for you to get off.
Just Got Off Last Ride – You may have just ended a relationship and now, on the rebound, you are bored, you just want to have fun.
Anticipation/Rush/Excitement – You feel like you are getting something out of this new relationship because it is new, fresh, seemingly (I use seemingly a lot if you haven’t noticed) exciting, and you want to see where it is going.
Your View of this New Relationship – You believe that the ups on this ride outweigh the downs (but is it really the case?)
View of Self – You may believe that you can’t get any better than the ride that you’re on.
Comfortable – These emotional rides are familiar to you, and you believe you have a sense of control of the situation. You would rather deal with something familiar than face the unknown.
Overall, the emotional ups and downs, side turns, back flip twists, and curves satisfy and frustrate you at the same time, but relationships were not meant to be this way.
You can tell when the ride becomes unsafe. Unfortunately, there have been reports of accidents at amusement parks, particularly on roller coasters. This roller coaster relationship is not for you when you see the following signs:
Excessiveness – You start becoming addictive to this ride for the rush. You can’t live without this person or relationship.
It’s Not a Real Partnership – You are doing way more than the other, sacrificing and giving up more than the other putting equal efforts.
It’s all About Image – You or the person you are in the relationship with have insecurities or low self esteem and you are being put down to make that person look better than you.
Depleted and Disappointed – The dreaded Double Ds: You should be energized and uplifted when you are in a relationship.
Where’s the Growth – When connecting with someone, it should be a matter of if that person helps you grow, not stifles your growth.
Early Signs of Abuse – It is all about Control-Pushing, shoving, hitting hard, yelling, name calling, threats to hurt you, these are signs of an aggressor who doesn’t mind hurting you again, even after they say they won’t do it again! Get help and let them get help from a distance!
Safety – When your state of well-being is altered or threatened, you need to Get off the Ride ASAP! Any forms of abuse, be it sexual, verbal, physical, or emotional, you need to get off that ride! It is not worth your life to remain on that emotional roller coaster!
When does it payoff for being on this ride?
I always look forward to the end of the ride. I feel better after the effects wear off, and I RESET to state of equilibrium. However, many of us go back to the ride again because it was fun the want to build the high up. In terms of the emotional relationship roller coaster ride, what are the resolutions for having a stable relationship?
You need to make a conscious decision what type of relationship you want. In other words, what are you looking for in a relationship?
Look at the changes you go through while in this relationship.
Are the changes for the better, or for the worst?
What was the real need for this ride? Be honest with yourself.
What did the ride truly fulfill or satisfy?
What did you sacrifice to stay on this ride?
Love you first!
Do a checklist of likes and dislikes. You do that by exposing yourself to different things to know what you like and dislike. The famous question is would you date you?
Trust your inner self! We know when we should or should not get on the emotional roller coaster ride!
Understand relationships better get self help books, or research online, or get counseling at RESET, LLC
Give yourself time.
Maybe it is just time for you right now, so you can determine what level and type of relationship you want to be in to ensure you have a fruitful one.
You need time to get over the last relationship. RESET yourself.
Get off the ride! You have been on it for so long and missing out on other rides, you don’t remember what stable ground is!
Remember, relationships are about connection, balance, oneness. If you are not getting any or all of these, it is time to get off the emotional roller coaster ride!
For you Adventure seeking roller coaster Lovers!
If by chance you love the thrill of the roller coaster ride and you want to remain in it, so be it, it is your choice. At some point you have to come down off the high for balance. Again, consider the following:
Objectively look at the relationship and ask yourself what you feel when you are with this person, how do you truly see this person, when will it pay off beneficially, in remaining on this ride. If you have any doubt or apprehensions for getting on this ride, get off so the next unlucky person can get on!