Married Couples’ New Year’s Resolution # 1: More Intimacy

Another year has come and gone and most of us are motivated to make significant changes in our lives. Unfortunately, as the stressors of the life begin to present itself (usually around February), our best efforts are usually forgotten and chalked up as “unattainable”, “too hard”, or “I’ll try again next year!” Often as married couples or those who are in long term relationships, there is an effort to develop resolutions to improve the intimacy in their relationship. Now in regards to intimacy, the first thing that usually comes to mind is SEX. Although sex is a part of being intimate, it is not the only thing that intimacy consists of. Webster defines intimacy as “…of a private or personal nature,” it also defines it as being “familiar with.” Being familiar with, that’s deep. One does need some familiarity with another person, while engaging in sex but is that always the case? One can have sex with their love one or partner, but are they familiar with who that person is?



For the sake of argument, I would like to divide intimacy in two different areas: Emotional Intimacy and Physical Intimacy.


Emotion Intimacy

Emotional Intimacy or emotional familiarity consists of how well you know your partner. What pisses your partner off? What type of activities does your partner like to do? What types of issues does your significant other feels strongly about? Where does your partner see themselves in the future?


These questions are some of the things that one needs to know about their significant other in order to enhance their emotional intimacy. Impasses that prevent couples from getting to know each other emotionally range from being too busy or not caring to find out. Emotional Intimacy problems often arise due to a lack of emotional cohesiveness between partners which will eventually affect your physical intimacy.


If you have problems “seeing eye to eye” with your significant other or you and your partner are losing the “connection” that you once had, your emotional intimacy is definitely deficient. Arguing over issues that you thought were resolved years ago? Maybe you should evaluate your emotional intimacy.


Physical Intimacy

Physical Intimacy is the more familiar of the two types of intimacy which consists of SEX, but not entirely as stated before. I like my clients to be introspective, so ask yourself the following questions: When was the last time you tickled your significant other? When was the last time that you or your significant other held hands? When was the last time that you or your partner took a shower or bath together? When was the last time that you or your partner gave each other massages? When was the last time that you or your partner walked around naked and did not have SEX? When was the last time that you or your partner held hands? When was the last time that you kissed your partner and told him/her that you loved them without any cause or reason? See where I’m getting at?


Often time those who are in relationships limit themselves to what they perceive intimacy to be. Our limitations keep us stuck and stagnant in our relationships and cause us not to grow, develop, and achieve lasting significant relationships.


Add More Physical and Emotional Intimacy Into Your Relationship


For this New Year, let us resolve to improve our intimacy both physical and emotional, in order to spend many meaningful years to come. Ask yourself the questions I just presented, and begin adding more physical and emotional intimacy in your relationship. Ask your significant other the same questions from their perspective so that together the two of you can effectively build and fortify your relationship by understanding and embracing the importance of physical and emotional intimacy and what matters most to one another. This all breeds promise for a happy relationship for years to come.


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