Ladies, we all know that men and women were not created equal in emotions, charm & clothing choices. That is why we are presenting to you the Man & Woman Laws. We were never given a manual on the male and female minds and let’s face it asking a question does not always give us the answer we are looking for. With that being said, the Man & Woman Laws are here to help. Communication is a key component to any successful relationship that we have in life. How we communicate with people can affect our marriage, work relationships, friendships & families. So why is it so hard for people to communicate effectively? There are many answers to that question depending on your personal experience. Let’s look at our first Man & Woman Laws.
Man Law #1 - Get to the point of the conversation!
Women are into the details of a situation or conversation but men are not. Men would like to know the problem so they can come up with a solution. There is no grey area. I’m sure you have seen this first point turn many conversations into arguments in families, friendships & relationships.
Technique for Men-V.E.P. technique (Validate Effectively Positively)
Validate means to acknowledge how one’s feeling. She may say, I’m so frustrated with these kids I could scream! Let’s get away for a while. Here’s how you answer (I will help you), instead of answering from where you are with Her situation, acknowledge it:
You seem pretty frustrated with dealing with the kids all day, probably all by yourself. (If she responds very positively, then move on to the next sentence, if she does not, then ask her what is making her frustrated) You seem as if you need a break, what can I do to help?
Now, if you married or are dating a ‘detailed’ woman, one who gives so much info, validate the last thing she says! (this is a cheat sheet version). And ask her how she would like you to help. Then, help! This brings the tension down, defenses down, and breeds more communication. Help her ‘peel the onion’ in other words, get to the point of what she’s thinking and feeling, step by step.
Woman Law #1 – Don’t just tell me………show me!
Women love attention and little gifts. They enjoy the idea of being wooed and surprised because it gives them the feeling like they did when they first met you. Yes they remember the first day they met you, the first time you said the magic three words and even the first gift you ever bought them. When women say show me it’s a demand to be wooed. They want to feel special again and no matter how much you say it they need to feel it.
Technique for Women- “Less is More.”
Ladies, let’s not talk at our men, let’s dialogue with them. Before that, however, give him a chance to transition from work mode to home mode! Let him gather his thoughts and get situated after a hard day’s work. You know your man; you know when the right time is, and when the right time isn’t! So respect his ‘need’ time.
State 1 situation, 1 thought, 1 behavior, and 1 feeling At A Time! Not 15 at a time! That’s overwhelming, and it’s too much to process, leaving him defenseless for “Now what did I just say!” It doesn’t mean he’s not listening, we can only hold the last bit of information if dumped with much information.
Ask him to repeat back what you said. If he heard you correctly, praise him! Choose out of the situations you want to share with him, about 2 total for the day! So pick and choose wisely….
What tips would you add? I would love for you to share them. Send your tips to firstname.lastname@example.org